Worship on Monday Morning

Worship.  We are all worshipping beings - we all worship something or someone.  My focus on being mindful, the whole reason for this 2015 journal of mine, is a real litmus test of what I worship.  What do my thoughts turn toward?  Money? Success? Being admired or liked? Self-absorption? Our culture worships many things, most of which are not really worthy of worship and so ultimately lead to disappointment (there's another word worthy of a whole entry!).  God urges us to worship in spirit and in truth.  That is, with heart and mind, with my intellect and emotions.  With the truth of who God is and His overwhelming sacrificial love and care for me and the raw honesty of who I am.  God wants worshippers not because He needs adoration - worship is largely for us...to help us focus our minds on the truth of why we are here and what we are worth.  This refocusing of my perspective to align more with God's perspective helps me in everything.  It informs how I interact with others, how I spend my time and resources, and underscores my value as a child of the king.  When I truly understand that, I don't need to give in to the habit of self-absorption or the drive to acquire (money/success/fans - whatever).  I am free indeed!  Free to be and grow and love with abandon. That is who I am AND what God intended for me.  That is the whole point of mindful worship - worship in spirit and truth.  Worship that happens not only corporately on Sunday morning, but on Monday morning as well, and  throughout each day.
Blessings,
Janet

Thankfulness

So, getting back to my Word of the Year; Mindful.  I selected that particular word to remind myself to be mindful, to be fully present.  Today, it has occurred to me that not only can I choose to be mindful, I can choose what I am mindful about.  I can choose to direct my thoughts to dwell on all the negatives in my life, or I can choose to be thankful for the many gifts and blessings that I do have.

                                                                        I. can. choose.

And my choice will radically affect how I live and how I see the world around me.  A heart and mind focused on the negative will suck the life out of me, overwhelming me and beginning a downward spiral into depression and anxiety.  But a heart and mind focused on thankfulness will be full of reflected light and produce joy. Thankfulness also has the side benefit of reminding me that the blessings I have are a gift not a right.  I have not somehow earned them because I am deserving.  It helps put pride in a proper perspective.  Yes, I am responsible for the choice to develop and use those gifts and blessings, but the fact that I have them at all is no more my doing than the color of my eyes.  So today, in this moment, I choose a mindset of gratitude and thankfulness in my not so splendid life. What are you grateful for today?

Blessings,
Janet

Goodbye March, Hello April

It has been quite a month.  My discipline for writing anything has gone out the window with the "ice dam watch" and the flurry of insurance activity of calls and adjusters and papers that have ensued.  Trying to be mindful has taken a back seat amid the endless aggravation and activity and yet, that is exactly when mindfulness would be an excellent virtue.  It helps maintain perspective to meditate on things that are more eternal and less temporal...it makes the "this too shall pass" mentality easier to swallow.  The advent of spring, ushered in here with snowfall, of course (?!), reminds me that indeed this too shall pass.  Watching the birds in the feeder on this beautiful, sunny, more spring-like day, turns my mind back to a God who cares about the sparrow and so also about the minutia of my life.  He cares about the insurance claim that isn't going to cover the damage and about my rocky income stream.  He sends the blessings of work and friends and family relationships at just the right times. He cares and he loves me more than I can begin to imagine.  And he cares enough to keep sending the challenges my way that will help me to continue to grow in my love and dependence on Him...if only I am mindful enough to keep learning.  Around the corner is a fresh month, a fresh start - once again.  Welcome, April!

Blessings,
Janet

Good Morning!

As I sit contemplating the fate of my house, listening to the constant drip...drip...drip,drip...drip of the ice dams that have created an indoor water feature that I REALLY didn't want and the subzero howling wind outside (how is anything melting in that anyway?!), I realize exactly how aptly I have named this blog.  I am sometimes tired of reading blogs and facebook posts about the exotic travels and stunning homes and lives that people are so fond of sharing...and I am guilty of doing the same thing, I am sure, on some level.  It is so easy to get caught up in the comparison game and feel inadequate or resentful and miss the bigger picture.  Everyone's journey is different, and life is not splendid all the time for anyone.  Comparing my life to anyone else's is pointless - God created my journey especially for me and since I am not dead yet, I can assume he has more for me to learn or do.  My job is to pay attention and listen to what that might look like - to celebrate the blessings I have and to look for opportunities in the midst of hardships - to trust in the love and goodness of God to weave together the pieces of my not so splendid life into an integral part of his story.

Blessings,
Janet

The never-ending winter

Hi there,
It is challenging to live here in the Boston area this particular year.  The winter is brutally cold and the snow is never-ending.  We have created new records for snowfall in the last month...a dubious honor to be sure.  The only thing anyone seems to be mindful of is the weather and the work and expense that ensues from counteracting the weather...an endess cycle of plow, shovel, chisel ice, salt, pay someone, repeat.  I am not immune to this drudgery, but I can choose to frame it differently - to practice mindfulness by being grateful for what I do have...a reasonably healthy body that CAN shovel, the fact that shoveling is exercise (and pretty much not optional if I want to leave my house before July), that I have a roof over my head that isn't leaking - yet, that my heat is working, that the power hasn't gone out, that the snow and ice is beautiful when viewed through the window(?!)  I am sure God is laughing at the lengths to which he has to go to get me to exercise; This weather may be entirely my fault - perhaps I should have chosen discipline as my word of the year after all?   In any case, the point is, being mindful is, at the heart of it, choosing where your mind focuses and while I shovel, I am choosing gratitude with a dose of hope for the springtime that is coming eventually.  Where is your mind choosing to focus?
Blessings,
Janet

Checking in

I am realizing these days, that one of the most helpful things in my quest for mindfulness, is to refresh my mind. Daily.  I am pitifully distractible...it is so easy to get sucked in to immediate activity - it seems efficient and even noble to just dive in and DO.  Okay, catching up on facebook and "words with friends" and the daily "red herring" and "sodoku" puzzles isn't all that noble, but making the bed, emptying the dishwasher, answering emails and returning calls seems like it is.  Not that those things should be left undone, just that focusing my priorities first thing in the morning, makes it easier to keep those priorities in mind and in order.  There's nothing particularly profound here - just a reminder to myself to think.  To take time to be thankful and thought-full before I jump into list-making and problem solving mode.  So this morning, trapped in my house by yet another snowstorm, I am thankful for my not so splendid, but very joy-filled life, and for the people God has brought into it.  How do you start your day?

Blessings,
Janet

Baby Steps

In my quest to give up multitasking and be mindful in everything, it is important to acknowledge the failures and celebrate the small victories along the way.  I am all too familiar with failure - just the other day, I caught myself only half tuning in on a phone call because I was trying to read something at the same time - the bad news: my addiction to and dependence on technology exacerbates this failing, the good news: I actually realized I was doing it and so I could choose to stop!  A very tiny victory, to be sure, but still a baby step of progress.   Being aware, mindful, helps me to live more fully and see the choices I am making in each moment - and therefore to call into question whether I have chosen the best way to spend that moment.  I think most of us, certainly I do it, live on autopilot a lot of the time.  Have you ever had the experience while driving along a familiar monotonous road that you suddenly become aware that you don't know exactly where you are because your mind has been engaged elsewhere? I have and it is terrifying to think I have been operating a couple of tons of machinery with such casual indifference.  How much more terrifying is it to realize you have been coasting through a day, a week, a lifetime, on autopilot - doing, but not really living?  Being mindful in relationships with people is challenging but the solution and focus is at least obvious: just stop.  and listen...fully.
Blessings,
Janet

A Recovering Multi-tasker

Stop, drop and roll....Stop, look, and listen...yes, that last one seems more appropriate!  Anyway, the point is, I am learning to stop. And listen.  I am trying to consciously NOT multitask - a talent I have heretofore honed and have prided myself on mastering.  But there is a lot lost in the efficiency that comes from multitasking - you cannot, by definition, focus and be mindful when you are juggling multiple things. And the older I get, the more I realize I cannot read and listen at the same time, or watch TV and listen at the same time.  I end up missing critical sections of one or the other.  So I have resolved to stop watching or reading or doing and really listen when my children talk to me - they are nearly grown now, and both being musicians, they often speak to each other and to me in "music-eze" or about musical nuances or to share funny things they find on the internet.  I love that they think to involve me in their lives and interests and I am honored, so I listen so I won't miss any of this thing called relationship - it is so rewarding!    And I resolve to stop and really listen when I answer a phone call, no more reading email, or entering data into my banking software while someone on the other end of the phone is needing my undivided attention.  I will make an exception for those annoying calls where you end up on hold listening to impossibly painful "music" to let you know they haven't accidentally disconnected the call - those are the whole reason the speakerphone feature was invented and they absolutely call for multitasking...but other than that, I am on my journey as a recovering multi-tasker.  One day at a time.
Does mutitasking affect your ability to listen, or is it just me?

Blessings,
Janet

It's a new day...thank you God

Hi there,
    So yesterday was January 1st, the first new day of a new year...an opportunity for a fresh start, for me to begin practicing mindfulness.  And already, I have blown it.  I am assuming that mindfulness extends to thinking before you eat - in which case, my weakness for Chinese food, and the availability of the lunch buffet, is the root of all evil.  I don't eat Chinese food all that often, but when I do, I have my favorites - and none of them scream "healthy", exactly.  So yesterday, I mindfully filled my plate with my favorites and I ate them - and chatted with our friends who had joined the excursion...it was nice and quite civilized.  I ate with chopsticks for a while - their main purpose being to slow me down since I am not particularly chopstick proficient...and then it happened.  My plate was empty, my stomach was full - I had even waited long enough (probably with the help of said chopsticks) for my brain to recognize that my stomach was full and yet...I still loaded another plate with more. And once it was on my plate I inevitably ate it.  WHY?? Why do I do what I know is not good?  How can I be such a creature of rationalization even when I am TRYING to be MINDFUL?
   I am grateful I don't have to wait for a new year for another fresh start.  I can start with a new day or even a new moment.  It is comforting to know that St. Paul had the same issues...well, not with Chinese food particularly, but he admits in his letter to the Romans "I don't do what I want to do and I do what I don't want to do" (paraphrase).  A fresh start, a new creation in Christ...I am hopefully becoming one.  It is a very slow process.
  How are you doing with your New Year's Resolutions?
Blessings,
Janet

new year, new start

Hi there!  It's January first and time for a fresh start...again.

About me:  I'm a single mother of two nearly grown children (college age and graduate school) and one neurotic cat, a daughter, sister, friend, terrifyingly self-employed interior designer, and avid cook.
I was challenged by a friend to choose one word to concentrate on for the year.  The first one that popped into my mind was "discipline", which I immediately rejected - too depressing for my "out of the box" thinking personality - I break out in a cold sweat just thinking about having to live in a routine and discipline sounds a lot like that kind of life.  I know it isn't really, but I floated through a lot of words that might make sense...joyfulness, gratitude, hope...and I may use one of those next year, but the one that kept coming back to me was mindfulness.  SO, mindfulness it is.
This blog was created to document my real life journey of faith, fears, struggles, and triumphs in my not so splendid life as I try to be mindful this year - being fully present and thinking before acting - listening before speaking...

Do you have a word of the year?  What did you choose?

Blessings,
Janet